THE GREAT OLD ONES!!!

I'm sort of a half-baked H.P. Lovecraft nerd. I like the ideas that are presented in Lovecraft's mythology, but I think that Lovecraft's stories need a little work as far as presentation goes. A lot of the stuff that Lovecraft brings up in his work is really cool, but one of the drawbacks is the fact that some of the characters are not too memorable.

But, imagine how I felt when I came across this article on yahoo saying that there has been a "mystery roar discovered in space". I haven't been this interested in something since I thought the Cloverfield monster was Cthulu:

If JJ Abrams had the balls to make Cthulu the Cloverfield Monster, I would have loved him forever. But, he didn't, and I have had a hole in my kaiju/lovecraft loving heart ever since.

Yeah, so I bet that you're all wondering what the mystery roar has anything to do with squid monsters and H.P. Lovecraft. Well it turns out that a while back that there's was also a mysterious noise coming from the Pacific Ocean that to this day is known as the Bloop. Scientists to this day have not been able to identify what has caused the Bloop.

Scientists analyzing the sound believe that the sound shares common traits with an animal and it is speculated that if the Bloop did come from an animal, that the creature would be much larger than the Blue Whale. The part where this gets good is that the Bloop originates near the location of R'lyeh, the fictitious sunken city where Cthulu is sleeping before he rises again.

Obviously, hoping that the Bloop is Cthulu is wishful thinking, and by wishful I mean three minutes of novelty that comes before we all get our souls devoured by this monstrosity.

Lately, my fears of the rising great old one has been replaced by the maddening theories of the Large Hadron Collider. The theories that I have heard regarding the Large Hadron Collider are so awesome in scale, I think EC Comics should create a horror line of comic books dedicated to the subject.

Like this, but with an early Black Sabbath soundtrack!

But now that there has been evidence of a bloop in space (I know it's not a "bloop", but you get what I mean), my fears have once again told me that non-human based annihilation is much cooler. Good speculation is needed to guess which member of the Cthulu mythos is raising hell in the cosmos. Perhaps one of the Great Old Ones is returning to duke it out with the underwater deity that is Dagon:

This thing can totally kick the Cloverfield monster's ass!

Now, it's unfair to think that this sound alone is the sign of Lovecraftian beasts to come. There are various other creatures, dark matter, strange matter, galactic cannibals, black holes, pissed off time travelers, greys, meteors, supernovas, and other methods of interstellar death that we can depend on coming from this sound.

But out of all the ways that the Earth has to be vanquished, which of these ways would be the best way to die an awesome and honorable death. I mean yeah, the supernovas and black holes will probably play out like a non-nuclear version of Sarah Conner's Armageddon dream in Terminator 2 which is interesting, but who wants that when we can have our own real time monster movie with the full budget of the United States Military launching everything it can at this thing (only to have France complain about animal cruelty after the beast is dead and done killing everybody).

And if all else fails, we have our own generator of death by the name of the Large Hadron Collider that could do the job of finishing us of we fail to fall to the alien method of death. Till then, we should probably do our best to prepare ourselves for such a threat.

After all, space travel takes a long time. But, if this thing can arrive 2012, it will be right on schedule.