The Ten Fanboy Commandments

fanboy/ (noun) : a boy who is an enthusiastic devotee (as of comics or movies) (source:http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fanboy)

Anyone who's been to Ain't It Cool News (or Rotten Tomatoes or any other special interests site) knows what a fanboy is. They're those extremely devout people who are really into a special interest of entertainment. But, as weird as it seems, you'd think fanboys hate whatever they obsess about based on the amount of criticism and nitpicking these guys bash to their favorite interests.

So, in an attempt to understand my fellow Trekkian militant extremist, I have tried my best to summarize the common philosophies of the fanboy (and fangirl where applicable).

10. The only people allowed to make remakes are John Carpenter and Oliver Stone, and even that is pushing it.

9. Bryan Singer was God, until he fucked up (now he’s Satan).

8. Christopher Nolan is God, until he fucks up (then he’s Satan).

7. Nothing out of Hollywood can ever match my fanfiction, because Hollywood would never spend half a billion dollars to make a science fiction lesbian vampire porno trilogy. Then again…

6.With CGI anything is possible. Yes, CGI can make Star Wars suck and turn a great villain of the Marvel universe into a digital turd.

5. Forget what I said about Bryan Singer, Uwe Boll is Satan and he funds his movies with Nazi gold (legally known as "the German tax shelter").

4. If you watch Cloverfield in 3-D, it’s pretty much a guarantee that your brain will explode.

3. White people who watch Hayao Miyazaki films and eat Sushi are not Japanese, get over it.

2. One awesome practical effects scene can make up for two hours of half-assed CGI. Anything else, and I bitch and scream NUKE THE FRIDGE to all my friends. Then again, the idea of me having friends deserves a NUKE THE FRIDGE on its own.

1. I don’t know if George Lucas raped my childhood, but Star Wars cockblocked my teen years and disrupted my Pu Tang trade routes.