THE GREAT OLD ONES!!!

I'm sort of a half-baked H.P. Lovecraft nerd. I like the ideas that are presented in Lovecraft's mythology, but I think that Lovecraft's stories need a little work as far as presentation goes. A lot of the stuff that Lovecraft brings up in his work is really cool, but one of the drawbacks is the fact that some of the characters are not too memorable.

But, imagine how I felt when I came across this article on yahoo saying that there has been a "mystery roar discovered in space". I haven't been this interested in something since I thought the Cloverfield monster was Cthulu:

If JJ Abrams had the balls to make Cthulu the Cloverfield Monster, I would have loved him forever. But, he didn't, and I have had a hole in my kaiju/lovecraft loving heart ever since.

Yeah, so I bet that you're all wondering what the mystery roar has anything to do with squid monsters and H.P. Lovecraft. Well it turns out that a while back that there's was also a mysterious noise coming from the Pacific Ocean that to this day is known as the Bloop. Scientists to this day have not been able to identify what has caused the Bloop.

Scientists analyzing the sound believe that the sound shares common traits with an animal and it is speculated that if the Bloop did come from an animal, that the creature would be much larger than the Blue Whale. The part where this gets good is that the Bloop originates near the location of R'lyeh, the fictitious sunken city where Cthulu is sleeping before he rises again.

Obviously, hoping that the Bloop is Cthulu is wishful thinking, and by wishful I mean three minutes of novelty that comes before we all get our souls devoured by this monstrosity.

Lately, my fears of the rising great old one has been replaced by the maddening theories of the Large Hadron Collider. The theories that I have heard regarding the Large Hadron Collider are so awesome in scale, I think EC Comics should create a horror line of comic books dedicated to the subject.

Like this, but with an early Black Sabbath soundtrack!

But now that there has been evidence of a bloop in space (I know it's not a "bloop", but you get what I mean), my fears have once again told me that non-human based annihilation is much cooler. Good speculation is needed to guess which member of the Cthulu mythos is raising hell in the cosmos. Perhaps one of the Great Old Ones is returning to duke it out with the underwater deity that is Dagon:

This thing can totally kick the Cloverfield monster's ass!

Now, it's unfair to think that this sound alone is the sign of Lovecraftian beasts to come. There are various other creatures, dark matter, strange matter, galactic cannibals, black holes, pissed off time travelers, greys, meteors, supernovas, and other methods of interstellar death that we can depend on coming from this sound.

But out of all the ways that the Earth has to be vanquished, which of these ways would be the best way to die an awesome and honorable death. I mean yeah, the supernovas and black holes will probably play out like a non-nuclear version of Sarah Conner's Armageddon dream in Terminator 2 which is interesting, but who wants that when we can have our own real time monster movie with the full budget of the United States Military launching everything it can at this thing (only to have France complain about animal cruelty after the beast is dead and done killing everybody).

And if all else fails, we have our own generator of death by the name of the Large Hadron Collider that could do the job of finishing us of we fail to fall to the alien method of death. Till then, we should probably do our best to prepare ourselves for such a threat.

After all, space travel takes a long time. But, if this thing can arrive 2012, it will be right on schedule.

Sci Fi and Shakespeare

I guess you can say I'm a big sci-fi fan. I prefer Star Wars over Star Trek, but after the prequels (or as George Lucas calls it, Operation Dead Alimony) I've become interested in any R-rated sci fi (sci-fi horror, Gears of War, any non-Jason X gory space story).



That aside, I've been noticing a small little thing about science fiction films and television that's been creeping up on me for a while. It's seems to me that lot of the iconic characters that make up science fiction on television and film (with of course, exceptions that prove the rule) seem to be deeply rooted in Shakespeare in terms of story elements and Shakespearean actors.

Those pure in heart see me making a visual argument of Shakespeare in science fiction. Those of perverted minds see a reason why I should burn in hell.

Now, perhaps this statement can be said about all genres of cinema and television. After all, how many times can we have a rehashed Romeo and Juliet plot turned into a film (apparentally, the story goes that during the Hatfield-McCoy family vendettas, two individuals from opposing sides led a forbidden relationship, proving once and for all that the Old West was actually a product of the Hallmark channel)?


The aspects of storytelling that Shakespeare had (or stole depending on your theory) is extremely pivotal as a part of western storytelling and it even crossed over to Asia in the works of Kurosawa. So maybe it can be said that all works of cinema and television need Shakespearean elements.


However, if you take a look at the main staples of science fiction, you will find that Shakespeare's presence is felt everywhere. Three of the four Star Trek captains (the exception being Kate Mulgrew thus proving the rule) were Shakespearean actors. Patrick Stewart, Jean Luc Picard if you will, played a part in Dune as well as the role of Professor Xavier in the X-Men trilogy. Stewart acted alongside Ian McKellan (also Shakespearean) who played a pivotal role as Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which was actually a franchise that the Trekkies wanted Spock to play with back in the 60s-70s.


McKellan acted in Lord of the Rings alongside Christopher Lee. Christopher Lee was a Shakespearean actor who worked with Peter Cushing (who bleeds Shakespeare) in the infamous Hammer Films productions of the 60s and 70s. Both Cushing and Lee would both play prominent roles in the Star Wars films as iconic villains.

The talents that a Shakespearean actor can provide to a science fiction role can be an essential when dealing with an esoteric material that is science fiction. In some respects, the dialogue of science fiction often operates on the realm of Shakespeare, where an actor must be very successful at conveying emotion to help the modern day audiences understand what is going on.

The olde English that occupies most of Shakespeare becomes replaced with technobabble and the names of bizarre inpronounceable worlds and alien races, and conveying information through emotion may be hard for some of hack actors that occupy space in Hollywood.

No, I didn't use photoshop for this



Another aspect to consider is the role that genre film plays in Shakespeare's home, England. In Orson Scott Card's book How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy, Card describes the history of science fiction in its early stages. Card describes the categorization of the genre saying that while early American science fiction was seen as inferior to say, the works of Mark Twain, British publishers did not make any distinctions in regards to seeing science fiction as inferior.


The works of H.G. Wells were seen as equivalent in quality to the non sci-fi based works at the time. Even acclaimed authors like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote novels such as "The Lost World" (however, Doyle was often mocked for his belief in fairies that later turned out to be a hoax) and many plays were based around the works of Dracula and Frankenstein which were popular at the time.



The British need for science fiction and fantasy was essential to the political climate England was experiencing in the pre WWI era where thoughts of war and invasion run rampant. Alternative history and invasion literature where England fights fictitious battles and wars with neighboring empires played on the fears on the community at large.



The same concepts were played to an extent in H.G. Wells's "War of the Worlds" and similar allegories of invasion in fear were repeated in America at the height of the Cold War with Invasion of the Body Snatchers and stories of Atomic Monsters and UFOs attacking Washington.



Perhaps the impact that Shakespeare has on science fiction has less to do with Shakespeare and more due to with England. Today the practice of British writers taking what we Yanks see as "inferior genres" and making them worthwile is experienced in the writings of Alan Moore and Mark Millar.




But Superman and the Max Fleischer cartoons that followed were our idea, so points for us.


Besides, Shakespeare himself was a genre writer. The story of a gifted individual that falls to corruption on the promise of supernatural power is the story of Macbeth (which Orson Welles would later give a Voodoo flavor to) but it's also the story of the Star Wars prequels and the rise of Anakin Skywalker and many politicians who thought they were God.

Then again, I doubt that Shakespeare would churn out a couple sequels for a buck, but he stole his best stuff from the Greeks so you can never know.

The 800 Pound Pikachu in the Room

As the year 2009 approaches, it seems once again that the Nintendo Wii has managed to uphold its dominance in the console war at large. The ever constant battle between the three major gaming consoles mirrors a struggle of dominance that occurs in every major form of entertainment media. Early in the days of the film studios, the prosperity of success would shift to a virtuous and lucky studio while another may suffer a slump.

This is prevalent in the examples of major television stations where NBC is currently lacking in the ratings and ABC and Fox retain more levels of dominance. The studios still continue to obey this pendulum change of power as 20th Century Fox suffers from a bad fiscal year in terms of box office and Warner Bros. successfully obtains box office numbers in the black. The large scope of power that the conglomerates of media obtain lead to everlasting power struggles that continues until companies crumble from within.

The current ideas and philosophies that envelop the video game industry parallel the past struggles that have occurred with various entertainment mediums in the past. Nintendo’s own creations and philosophies bare strange parallels with another entertainment company that was also chastised for going against the crowd and taking part in subject matter that was uncommon at the time. The Nintendo Corporation’s famous titles that appear to gamers of all ages make Nintendo the Walt Disney Company of the video game industry.

Apparently, mice are the key to fortune in the entertainment business.

Like the Walt Disney Company, Nintendo has come under fire in the past for their established identity in manufacturing games aimed at children. The backlash regarding children based products is a common act of satire and rebellion for persistent members of the entertainment community who think the entire world must endure their controversial and “groundbreaking” works (I admit, at times, I am one of these assholes).

The sheer act of creating entertainment for children may be perceived as exploitation since, let’s face it, children are easy to exploit. Look at McDonald’s, better yet taste McDonald’s. McDonald’s is openly seen as the most evil of American corporations for their quality and service (except for in Japan where quality still matters). McDonald’s is a corporation that should have failed a long time ago (or been bailed out at least), but they don’t because they market their biggest asset, their happy meals, to little children.

A cute puppy toy accompanies every burger that tastes like dog shit


When some political journalist wants to complain about a political leader, they compare him to Hitler. When a political journalist wants to complain about commercialism and consumerism, they point the finger at McDonald’s and people listen. Ironically, there’s an entire market dedicated to exploiting the corporate McDonald’s phenomenon:

They even sell McDonald’s hate books to kids!

However, child exploitation, while a staple of McDonald’s, is not a deciding factor in Nintendo’s dominance, nor was it the dominating factor in the early rise of the Walt Disney Company. The deciding factor in both of these entertainment corporations was their ability to know what the people want and innovate their respected entertainment mediums on a high level of quality.

The Walt Disney Company realized early on that the customer is more than someone to make money off of, and Walt Disney used his own experiences to justify his need for quality. Disneyland is a great example. Walt Disney created Disneyland out of what he wanted out of an amusement park.

The story goes that when Walt Disney was at a younger age, he would encounter Fairmont Park, a small carnival, on his walk to and from school. Walt would look at the children playing and wished to join them, but he could not afford to enter the park on the account of the high ticket prices. It was this experience which Walt Disney wanted Disneyland to have low ticket prices so that “every child in America” could come into Disneyland.[i] This philosophy has of course been abandoned, and Disney continues to suffer because of it.

The same ideas apply Nintendo’s brainchild, Shigeru Miyamoto. Recently, it seems that every game that Miyamoto has created lately has been the result of Miyamoto’s experiences. Miyamoto adopts a puppy, comes up with Nintendogs. Miyamoto likes gardening, comes up with Pikmin. Miyamoto gets fat, creates Wii Fit.[ii] Hell, Miyamoto’s colleague, Satoshi Tajiri, created Poke’mon because he liked catching bugs (and subconsciously liked cockfighting).

Miyamoto is famous for pushing back the due dates of his games for his need of perfection, and is credited on the lines of his famous philosophy, “A delayed game is eventually good, but a bad game is bad forever”. This philosophy is the driving force of Nintendo, and this mantra combined with their sense of creativity and innovation is why Nintendo is as successful as they are.

In the end, video games are not too different from their cinema predecessors. Gameplay is to a video game what a good story is to any motion picture. When the executives of both of these entertainment mediums understand that as the reason people play video games and watch movies, instead of CGI, graphics, and explosions; then they can bring their “game” to the table. Either that, or Nintendo will destroy them for another year.


[i] Schweizer, Peter, Disney: The Mouse Betrayed, 5.
[ii] Lewis, Leo, The Nintendo gaming world awaits another Mario.

Why Video Game movies suck...

Anyone who’s not an accountant for any of the major studios (or Uwe Boll) can tell you that the quality of Video Game based films is not something most people look forward to in a film (B-movie or otherwise). While there are several people (like Roger Ebert) who claim that video games are not a part of the art community or art in general, the real reasons for this diminished quality in video game adaptations deals more with the age of the video game medium itself.

Think about it, how long did it take to make a good Batman film that was true to the tone of an actual Batman comic book?

How long did it take to make a film like The Dark Knight that was actually true to the source material? Well, it would be seventy years if you count from the beginning of the Batman comics as a whole, or twenty years starting from The Dark Knight Returns.

The sheer critical failure of video game related films deals more with the esoteric quality of video games in the psyche of older film executives who often are uninformed of the content of the video games they are adapting.

Video games are the modern day equivalent of an old episode of Dragnet attempting to negatively portray drug use by showing a “juvenile delinquent” attempting to climb a wall as a side effect of “the uppers”. The sheer uninformed status of these directors and studio executives is the main cause for the abuse most of these video game franchises receive.

To use comic books as another example, look at the successes of films like 300 and Sin City and how the respected directors felt about the source material. Both Zack Snyder and Robert Rodriguez really attempted to treat the source material with respect and their films flourished due to that integrity, which is ironic, considering the changes Frank Miller made to his interpretation of The Spirit.

This is not to say that video games as a whole should not be changed for the better. A lot of video games do not really have any character development due to the dependence on the player’s interaction with the game’s characters and a good screenwriter can find a way to develop these characters. But at the same time, if I said I was going to make an adaptation of X-Men that had nothing to do with any of the original comic book characters, and starred Milla Jovovich as a stand alone new main character, I am going to have a film that the respected fanboys and X-men enthusiasts are going to hate (more than Brett Ratner’s film, that’s for sure).

Wow...

Yeah, I've been busy lately, so I just want to say it may take a while before I start churning out the comics.

Sorry about that.

Later.

The Ten Fanboy Commandments

fanboy/ (noun) : a boy who is an enthusiastic devotee (as of comics or movies) (source:http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fanboy)

Anyone who's been to Ain't It Cool News (or Rotten Tomatoes or any other special interests site) knows what a fanboy is. They're those extremely devout people who are really into a special interest of entertainment. But, as weird as it seems, you'd think fanboys hate whatever they obsess about based on the amount of criticism and nitpicking these guys bash to their favorite interests.

So, in an attempt to understand my fellow Trekkian militant extremist, I have tried my best to summarize the common philosophies of the fanboy (and fangirl where applicable).

10. The only people allowed to make remakes are John Carpenter and Oliver Stone, and even that is pushing it.

9. Bryan Singer was God, until he fucked up (now he’s Satan).

8. Christopher Nolan is God, until he fucks up (then he’s Satan).

7. Nothing out of Hollywood can ever match my fanfiction, because Hollywood would never spend half a billion dollars to make a science fiction lesbian vampire porno trilogy. Then again…

6.With CGI anything is possible. Yes, CGI can make Star Wars suck and turn a great villain of the Marvel universe into a digital turd.

5. Forget what I said about Bryan Singer, Uwe Boll is Satan and he funds his movies with Nazi gold (legally known as "the German tax shelter").

4. If you watch Cloverfield in 3-D, it’s pretty much a guarantee that your brain will explode.

3. White people who watch Hayao Miyazaki films and eat Sushi are not Japanese, get over it.

2. One awesome practical effects scene can make up for two hours of half-assed CGI. Anything else, and I bitch and scream NUKE THE FRIDGE to all my friends. Then again, the idea of me having friends deserves a NUKE THE FRIDGE on its own.

1. I don’t know if George Lucas raped my childhood, but Star Wars cockblocked my teen years and disrupted my Pu Tang trade routes.

Snowbo the Hobo

Welcome to Magma Blizzard home of Snowbo the Hobo.

Snowbo is a lost Snowman on the search to find meaning in the North Pole.

Tune in weekly and see Snowbo's adventures as he encounters many people on his quest to reach the North Pole.